From Bethesda Magazine: Montgomery County seniors celebrate a b’nai mitzvah
Decades after the typical time frame, these 8 Rockville residents connected with their culture in a meaningful way
By Meg Drennan
April 30, 2026 3:00 p.m. | Updated: April 30, 2026 4:39 p.m.
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When she was growing up in the 1950s, bat mitzvahs, Jewish coming-of-age ceremonies for girls ages 12 and 13, were not as common as their male counterparts, bar mitzvahs, says Esther Strauss, 82, of Rockville.
The first bat mitzvah took place in 1922, when Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan of New York held a ceremony for his daughter Judith, according to a story by NPR. While the bar mitzvah has been celebrated since the 14th century, bat mitzvahs were not widespread in the U.S. until the 1970s or 1980s. “My daughter was bat mitzvahed in 1982,” Strauss says. “I was very proud and happy for her, but also unhappy because I never had the chance. I never thought that I could do anything about it.”
But Strauss says that changed last summer after she chatted with Emily Howard Meyer, a volunteer rabbi at Revitz House, an independent living residence at the Charles E. Smith Life Communities in Rockville, where Strauss lives. “I said, ‘It’s really a shame that when we were the right age, it wasn’t done.’ And she said, ‘Well, I can do something about that,’ ” Strauss recalls.
After conferring with Rabbi Daniel Friedman, the director of spiritual life and senior rabbi at Charles E. Smith Life Communities, Howard Meyer offered to work with a small group of Revitz House residents to prepare for an adult b’nai mitzvah, in this case, a joint coming-of-age ceremony including men and women.
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Starting in July, a group of eight residents, all in their 70s and 80s, met weekly to prepare much like 12- and 13-year-old students would. Their studies included learning the Hebrew alphabet, practicing trope, a system of musical notation that guides the pitch and phrasing of words in the Torah, and discussing readings from the Torah that they would each share at the ceremony.
“But we delved into everything at a much deeper level because they are adults,” Howard Meyer says. “We talked about what it meant to be Jewish, and they brought their life experiences to those discussions. They were able to speak in-depth about challenging issues, such as slavery in the U.S. and how it differed from slavery in ancient Egypt, and what it was like to be a woman in that time.”
Each person’s backstory was different. Some were raised in the Orthodox or Conservative traditions but now practice Reform Judaism. Some grew up focusing on civil rights instead of religious practice, and others had no experience with Jewish traditions.
“Right before I left the Soviet Union in 1990, my father found a moment when we were alone. I had my plane ticket in my hand. He whispered in my ear, ‘Do you know we are Jewish?’ I was 42,” says Yelena Sadigurski, 78, a Revitz House resident who participated in the b’nai mitzvah group. “He was concerned about antisemitism. It was a lot to deal with right then at my departure. It took time.”
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Over the years, she tried to learn more about Judaism, but found it challenging until connecting with Howard Meyer. “She is a special person. She is very patient and kind with us,” Sadigurski says.
In February, their studies culminated in a b’nai mitzvah. “There is no official way to do a b’nai mitzvah service. But the most important piece is the blessing over the Torah,” Howard Meyer says. “That’s the moment.”
As a result, participants had the freedom to craft a ceremony in a way that worked for everyone, Howard Meyer says. Each person chose a different way to celebrate and participate: two created paintings, one wrote a speech, another played the piano. Some read entire prayers, others just a few lines.
“We did our readings in pairs because everyone was nervous, not scared, just nervous and excited,” Sadigurski says. “When you’re old, there’s lots of forgetting.”
Sadigurski says the ceremony even included her grandson, who is 14 and didn’t have a bar mitzvah. Howard Meyer “nicely involved him in the ceremony,” Sadigurski adds. “It is very meaningful for us to have this shared memory.”
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More than 75 friends, family and fellow residents attended the b’nai mitzvah, which was held at Revitz House. Afterward, they enjoyed a catered meal with bagels, lox, tuna and egg salads, and cake. A klezmer bandplayed traditional Ashkenazi Jewish folk music. A professional photographer captured special moments.
Strauss’ son, Ari Strauss, 53, of Washington, D.C., is grateful his mother finally had the chance to celebrate her bat mitzvah. “She always wanted to do it,” he says. “And this was the perfect time, because in Judaism we have a belief that once you attain the age of 70, it’s like having a second life.” It’s becoming more common for Jewish people to have a second bat or bar mitzvah as a celebration in their 80s, according to Howard Meyer.
Esther Strauss says, “It’s never too late for anyone. You should go back and see what you can do now.”
This appears in the May/June 2026 issue of Bethesda Magazine.
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Originally published at Bethesdamagazine